Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Finding Comfort in the Storm

While laying out the sports page for the school paper this morning, I got an urgent phone call from my mom. She usually calls and asks if I'm busy then spills. I was in the middle of doing something really important, and when I asked if it was urgent, she begged me to stay on the line.
My heart stopped.
I million things raced through my mind.
Then she spilled.
The next words that came out of her mouth reminded me of the horror in June. We had gotten in from a boat show in Gulfport, and it was just past midnight. I was about to climb into bed and turn off the light before she broke the news.
My grandpa had been rushed to the hospital due to a swollen stomach. The doctors found him at stage 3 stomach cancer, and he died 10 weeks later. This summer was the worst of my life and so hard, yet I learned so much.
As my mom started to tell me the urgent news, I took a deep breath.
My grandma, who has lived in San Antonio for years, fell yesterday morning. She was taken to the hospital (against her will), and the doctors ran a bunch of tests.
"Sarah, it's not looking good," my mom said, startled. "Just keep her in your prayers. I don't know -- my heart just breaks. First it was Paw Paw and now this."
Hearing her choke over the phone made me force myself to hold back tears. I went off in the corner, took a breath then went back in.
I hate acting like everything is okay, but what I hate even more is people knowing I'm upset about something -- I tend to lose it and break down in tears. I immediately went to the bathroom and just sobbed for a few minutes, thinking how much this sounded like June.
My grandma and I are pretty close. Out of all the grandchildren, I look just like her (which isn't a surprise -- my dad looks just like her as well, and I'm a spitting image of him).
Her husband passed when my dad was 16. He died of a massive heart attack while my dad was at school, and the last my dad saw of him was on the hospital table, the doctors trying to revive him. All attempts failed, and he left behind seven children -- the youngest an infant.
I have so much respect for my grandma. She's held strong, raised her children in a loving, Christian home and cares so much for her grandkids. She's the super cool grandma who's driven me around San Antonio and loves to talk to me about life.
We lovingly call her "Meemaw," and I shudder at the thought of losing her. I guess that's why I'm up at 2:18 a.m. writing this. I couldn't sleep, and insomnia has returned.
I had plans next week to see her. She turns 80 later this month, and our entire family is going out to visit her. My grandma has brought such joy and life to our family -- and we're extremely close.
I don't think I'd be so shook up about the news had I not just lost my grandpa. I think about him daily -- his blue eyes, smile, the way he would tell me he had green beans for me and sports talks.
I have constantly prayed all day for the health of my beloved grandma. I don't know if I can handle losing another loved one, especially in the span of a year.
I know God won't give you anything greater than your control, and He is always with me. I've been a terrible Christ-follower lately, and I'm not the perfect Christian (news flash: no one is), but I know that I can do better in my daily walk to fulfill His glory.
Please keep my family in your prayers. This isn't an easy time for any of us.
I have so much respect for my grandma and hope to grow old with the strength and wisdom she does. I know she loves her family and sees to it that we have all of our needs met.
I will blog updates as I hear more, but for now this is all I know.

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